A Mindful Approach to Dementia & Psychedelics: Our Shared Journey Series - Being Settled with Death

I am quite happy about the unexpected visit, right after the high-dose journey of my friend and his neighbor occurred. I learned that my friend had a terrible fear around death and dying. He said it was brought on and became a heightened fear after he had been diagnosed with cancer five years ago, which he has survived. When he stepped into the foyer of my house, he said he just wanted to cry…with joy… We hugged, and a love poured out in a release of the body. I mentioned that sometimes there are BEFORES and AFTERS in life. This, for him, is one of them. He will never be the same.

The brainy professor wanted to ask my husband lots of questions, so my friend and I went into my study—the blue room. It has also been dubbed the healing room. The natural lime paint in sky blue on the stucco walls, a brilliant long view from the window, and a Buddha statue in the corner chiseled from sandstone brought back from our years in India turn this room into a place of peace, beauty, and safety. It is from here that I am writing this post.

I asked permission to share what he said, and permission was granted, because what he shared is so profound and hopeful, and it is an offering for others. He has had a transformative experience. He mentioned that he had read about meditation, though never practiced. Yet that information, and something I had said a few months back, stuck with him. I had talked about the ability to “let go.” He brought back that ability in a very conscientious way after the amazing geometric patterns that captivated him wore off during the initial part of his high-dose journey. He became more anxious. He felt that he was about to lose control. Somehow, he was able to muster the ability to “let go.” He acutely felt muscle tension in parts of his body and then was able to relax. He was aware that he had given up control. How freeing! As he let go, he went into a blissful state. “Absolute bliss,” he told me, and then he continued, “Could this be what the gurus call enlightenment? Well, there it is!” Then he explained feeling like he had crossed a threshold. “Was this death? Or like death?” And then he shared, “If this is death, then bring it on!”

I sat there amazed but not surprised, just truly grateful that he had such a lived and now embodied experience. Then I asked if what he shared had helped him feel settled with how he approaches death. And does he feel settled in his heart? “Yes! Yes!” he answered without skipping a beat. He described that he now has all this in him. He said he now “owns it.” He mentioned that as he was passing the threshold, he did not know if he would meet monsters with all the fear and anxiety he had been holding. Now he has—well, the best word he used is faith. He continued, “I now have faith that this place [that was experienced] is in me, where control and judgment disappear… and it is bliss.”

What a beautiful way to end today’s post! However, I find it curious but not surprising that his brainy friend left his own high-dose journey disappointed and deflated. He did not experience what he had been reading about. None of his questions were answered. He did not experience oneness or bliss or anything remotely related to either. He was just left with more questions and no interest in trying another high dose. Of course, I can speculate… that was the journey he was supposed to have… he was too attached to expectations… he held on too tightly and did not let go… he needed a higher dose to get out of his thinking brain (default mode network)… it is only one journey, which may not predict the experience or outcome of another one… maybe psilocybin is not the best ally for him… he has dementia—what is the interplay with that? In his mid-80s with Alzheimer’s, he was hoping for a similar outcome to his friend and neighbor’s.

Interestingly, as they were leaving their journey site to get in the car to my place, the brainy professor mentioned that in part of his high-dose journey there appeared a house—or really a mansion. It had many rooms. He described these rooms to my friend (who then related this story to me). The brainy professor mentioned that at the top of the large mansion there was an attic. In the attic, there was pure chaos, with things piled high in disarray. It does not take a PhD from MIT to realize the brainy professor got what he needed to get from his high-dose journey.

Psychedelics are not a panacea, but they do hold great promise for being settled in heart and mind as one approaches one’s own mortality… at any age. To have a BEFORE and AFTER… Approaching death without fear translates into living life with more freedom and trust. In this way, the actual journey of the living becomes one that is forever changed.

- Lauren Alderfer, PhD.